There are, needless to say, no absolute rules in foreplay, but the following hints might be useful, at least on some occasions and to some couples.

1 Most foreplay begins with kissing and cuddling and progresses to petting and it can be very arousing to undress each other slowly or to strip in front of each other. Some couples like to prepare for foreplay on their own, each bathing or washing and then presenting themselves ‘ready for action’, while others enjoy the preparatory stages as part of the love-play itself.

2 Have a bath or shower together (or separately). You may choose to use perfume as a sexual turn-on but it is not necessary to use anything at all. This frees your body’s natural scents to turn each other on. Don’t be obsessional about washing your sex organs but make sure they are clean and fresh. Their natural odour is designed to excite the opposite sex, so don’t destroy it.

3 Make the surroundings as relaxing and arousing as possible. If you like music, put on some that you enjoy; dim the lights (love-play in the total dark reduces the enjoyment because you cannot see your partner’s pleasure). Spend time massaging each other and simply lie down together, naked or lightly clothed, and talk or drink a little alcohol. Take the phone off and lock the door if the children are likely to come in and disturb you.

4 Tell each other what you feel – praise little things about one another and kiss, especially parts of the body you know your partner is embarrassed about (a scar, a fat abdomen or whatever).

Be gentle, tender and affectionate and share each other lovingly. Don’t rush; give yourselves time and don’t touch each other’s sex organs until you are both ready.

5 Be unashamedly romantic – go back to your courting days and relive the romantic love you felt for each other. Tell each other that you love each other (if it is true). Being told you are loved is a great sexual turn-on. If you enjoy using coarse sex language, and some couples do, go ahead. Anything you want to do that you both enjoy is all right. It is at this stage that many couples talk to each other in their private language and praise each other’s bodies in endearing terms.

This first stage of love-play should not be genitally centred; it should have no goals other than sharing each other’s company and luxuriating in pleasuring one another.

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