Very little information is available on how commonly sexual problems and difficulties occur, and there is no way of getting accurate figures on the subject. In the USA it is estimated that sexual problems affect half of all marriages at some time or another and one survey in Britain found that 57 per cent of twenty-five-year-olds had some sort of sexual difficulty — yet only 2 per cent had consulted a doctor. In a UK study of 43 6 women in the community it was found that one third of them had some sort of sexual dysfunction at the time of the study. Nearly one in five complained of poor sexual interest; a similar number said that vaginal dryness was a problem; very nearly as many had too infrequent orgasms; and nearly one in ten had actual pain on intercourse.

This was in a randomly selected population in two general practices in a large country town. These sexual dysfunctions increased with age with women over 50 having one or more of the problems listed. Only one third of the women with sexual dysfunctions judged themselves to have a sex problem and only 4 per cent said that they wanted help for their problem.

In an attempt to find out how common sexual problems were in the USA, 100 volunteer ‘normal’, middle-class couples who rated their marriages as happy were investigated in considerable depth using a questionnaire which was completed separately by the partners. One finding was that 10 per cent of those questioned thought that their marriages were satisfactory, without realising that their partner did not agree. Twelve per cent of the couples had received some kind of marital or sexual counselling during the marriage, but no couples who were currently being treated were included. Over 80 per cent regarded their marriages as being happy or very happy, and nearly 90 per cent said they would marry the same person again. As has been found in a number of other surveys, 10 per cent of the women but only 5 per cent of the men said they would marry someone else if they had their time again.

‘Sexual problems’ in this survey were defined as being disorders of erection or of ej aculation in men and disorders of arousal or of orgasm in women. ‘Sexual difficulties’ included such things as: an inability to relax; the partner choosing the wrong time; lack of interest; not enough foreplay; a distaste for sex; different sexual habits and practices; and so on. Each person reported not only their own problems and difficulties but also those they thought were present in their partner. Women, it turned out, knew of the existence of problems and difficulties in their men but the men seriously underestimated them in their wives. Of the men, 60 per cent said they had no problems and 50 per cent no difficulties. In contrast, only 37 per cent of the women reported themselves free of problems and only 23 per cent said they had no difficulties. As a result of the greater sexual suppression of girls and women it comes as no surprise that women have more problems than do men, but it is also likely that men are more reluctant to mention or even recognise theirs since their manliness is at stake.

As to the actual problems themselves, the most common by far in men (36 per cent) was ejaculating too quickly. Much less common were problems in maintaining an erection (9 per cent); in getting an erection (7 per cent); and in being unable to ejaculate (4 per cent). Eight per cent of men had more than one problem whereas 63 per cent of the women had more than one. These latter were problems in getting excited (48 per cent); in reaching orgasm (46 per cent); in maintaining excitement (33 per cent); and in being unable to have an ‘orgasm (15 per cent). However, 11 per cent of women complained of reaching orgasm too quickly.

What can the average couple hope to achieve themselves if they have a sexual problem? The next section of the chapter looks at the main sexual problems with a special emphasis on self-help. Obviously this review is brief but it is a first step, before you take your problem to a professional.

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